her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
