just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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