if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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