Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
