There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
