I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
