Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
