Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
