Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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