Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
