I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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