good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
