i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
