what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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