and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
