Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We talked him into tasing himself.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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