I accidentally burped into my bong.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I see more hoeing in ur future
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