I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
