she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
