I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
