Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
