I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
