when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bring money and cleavage
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize