She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
