Do you still have your period?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am one with the molecules
pray to the hookup gods
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
