Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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