end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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