So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do vagina's smell?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
