I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
