You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
