nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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