The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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