So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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