I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
4 words: hood of his car
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He did a backflip because drugs
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