so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want nice things and good sex
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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