Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
