it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Of course I have a pirate flag
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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