I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize