Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize