Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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