rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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