Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
