i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
