Your tits are I can't wait for
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
