Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
