they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
