Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
