I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
