I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
