Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
