I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we're making bets on your personal life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
