i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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