If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize