Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
