Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
