The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
