so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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