Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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