Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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