I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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