why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
