its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
