We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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