i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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