The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
