I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
