I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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