So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
