dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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