im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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