sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
