I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
