I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
