He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
