The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
