Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
