my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize