i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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