i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
