One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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