Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
