what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
