Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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