Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
