So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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