i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My bed smells like the plague
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
