She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
