i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
