I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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