You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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