Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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