Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
