OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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