Swine flu. Run for my life!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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