Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
