He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
