we were pretty classy up until the second keg
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
