yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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