He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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